


To Love Yourself

by JaybirdSpectacular



Series: FE3H Demi Fics [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Emotional Manipulation, Freedom of Choice, Friendship, Gen, Minor Sylvain Jose Gautier/Mercedes von Martritz, Pre-Relationship, Re-upload, demisexual!Mercedes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28167804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaybirdSpectacular/pseuds/JaybirdSpectacular
Summary: Mercedes, under pressure from her adoptive father to accept an engagement, must decide for herself what she wants.'“You don’t have to do anything to make him happy,” Dedue speaks up this time. “Live for yourself.”Mercedes twiddles her fingers. “I don’t know if I know how to.”'
Series: FE3H Demi Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154354
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	To Love Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> This is a re-upload with some minor edits!

The bright lights of Faerghus stream into her apartment’s living room through the large windows that overlook the city, bathing everything in a soft blue glow. The soft whites and pastels of the room and furniture barely reflect the light. She can at least see well enough in the gloom to slip out of her shoes, flip overhead light switch, and pull the curtains.

Her apartment is quiet, a simple two rooms and a kitchen, more than enough for her to live alone. She didn’t choose the apartment, nor does she pay for it herself. It’s far too nice, in much too good of a location, for her to afford with her small assistant teaching salary.

She sighs as she sits on the plush beige couch, her bones and muscles creaking with the relief. Today had been a long day. The days are always draining, but helping others is something she always wanted to do, and she loves working with the children. She wouldn’t change her work for the world. That isn’t the problem.

She looks at her phone to check the time. 23:58. She wants to just put the phone down, go to bed, but her fingers move on their own accord to her call history, ensuring once again that yes, the call with her father- her adoptive father, that is- had actually happened.

_26 Harpstring Moon._

_Richard. Call-time: 10:41_

Less than 11 minutes to ruin the wonderful day she had been having.

5 words before she checked out: “My friend has a son…”

Has a son that, what? Who she would really like? Who runs a successful business? Who adopts stray kittens? It really doesn’t matter. This isn’t what she wants. She had told him as much, but he never listens.

The clock turns to midnight and she has to stop feeling sorry for herself when she is immediately flooded with new messages,

Annie: ~Happy Birthday Mercie~ Am I first? I tried really hard to be first.

Ingrid: Happy birthday! I hope you have a nice day!!

Dedue: Happy birthday, Mercedes.

Dedue: ❤

Annie: _sent a picture._ (A grey kitten in a colorful birthday hat.)

Dimitri: Congratulations on another successful and full year of life! I pray for another yet!

Ashe: ?!?!? It’s. Your. Birthday. Right?! Right.

Ashe: Happy birthday!

Annie: _sent a picture._ (A sparkling gif of the number 27.)

Felix: HBD

Sylvain: Hello, my beautiful Mercedes.

Sylvain: May I request your exquisite presence for a birthday dinner at your earliest convenience?

Sylvain: It can just be the two of us, if your heart desires 😘

Me: How should I phrase this?

Me: Like Felix, maybe?

Me: Cut the shit, Sylvain.

Sylvain: Ouch.

Sylvain: But really, can we (we being the Lions) take you out soon?

Sylvain: Our treat ofc.

Me: 😊

Me: I’d love to. Maybe next weekend?

Sylvain: ❤❤❤

Sylvain: Also, u ok? Not like u to use Felix words.

Me: Yes, just my father…

Sylvain: Again?

Me: Again.

Sylvain: He’s a dumbass.

Sylvain: Wanna talk about it?

Me: No, that’s okay. I just want to ignore him and forget about it for now.

Me: It’s enough knowing that someone is on my side.

Sylvain: We’re all on your side.

Me: Thank you Sylvain. Goodnight!

Sylvain: Goodnight, have the most pleasant dreams, my beautiful angel. 😇 

\----

Of course, she hadn’t meant to show up to her own birthday party late and drenched, her makeup running in dark streaks down her cheeks from both the rain and her crying. Sylvain is waiting for her outside the doors to the restaurant, his oversized umbrella keeping him perfectly shielded. His brilliant smile melts into a puddle that looks like it belongs on the wet pavement his shoes sloosh against to run to her.

“I’m sorry,” she starts. Sylvain covers her with them both with the umbrella, and she relaxes just slightly.

“Don’t be. What happened? What do you need?” he asks.

“We should just enjoy the party,” she mumbles, not sounding convincing to herself. “You all went through so much trouble.”

Sylvain shakes his head. “You look terrible, which had to be hard to do, as perfect as you are.” She glares at him. “Sorry. Let’s move this somewhere else. I can drive you home so you can change. I mean, if you still even want to-“

“That sounds lovely.”

\---

Within the hour, Mercedes finds herself in Dimitri’s huge loft, the food from the restaurant packed into takeout containers that are scattered haphazardly throughout the posh living room, across his large couches and the wood floor and glass plated coffee table. There will surely be a mess to clean tomorrow.

It reminds Mercedes of their university days, when she was in her third year of studies and she had become close to the Lions. They were scattered throughout different years, yet they had found themselves in the same history seminar with the strangest professor Mercedes had ever met.

Their time in class eventually extended to study groups, both for the class itself and in other subjects they struggled in. Each of them helping each other, guiding and building each other up. Their study groups quickly became friendship. A family they made together. They called themselves the Blue Lions after a famous class that had graduated years prior.

It was them that got her thought he combined pressures of her final years of school, her job hunt, and the ongoing pressure of her father.

She sighs, drawing Annette’s attention, who quickly catches on to where her thoughts have gone.

“So what did that jerk do this time?” Annette asked as passes Mercedes another slice of cake. She takes a bite, thinking over her answer for a moment. Do they really deserve to sit through her troubles again?

It was Ashe’s angry glare, Ingrid’s sympathetic gaze, Dedue’s encouraging nod, that convinces her that it’s not troubling to them.

“He showed up at my door with a man I had never met and introduced him as my fiancé.”

Silence fell over the room. Expressions of varying shock and rage on each of her friend’s faces.

Sylvain was the one to break it. “The fuck?” Mercedes notices he’s clenching his fists in the fabric of his trousers, like he may very well get up right now and punch the man through his teeth.

Annette grabs her arm, tugging her attention to Annette’s wide, concerned eyes. “What did he say when you turned him down?”

“I didn’t.”

Another silence. Then-

“Mercie!”

“What? No!”

“You don’t have to-”

All of her friend’s voices clamor over each other. She can’t even hear her own thoughts for their screaming. There’s a pressure building up behind her eyes, she can’t think straight, she can’t keep her father’s voice separate from her friends’-

“Quiet, please!” she shouts, her voice higher and waterier than she expected. She realizes she’s crying again when Dedue silently passes her a tissue. “Thank you.”

“Why did you tell him yes?” Ingrid asks.

Mercedes shakes her head. “I didn’t say that, either. I said I would consider.”

“But that’s not what you want, right?” Annette asks softly, softly stroking Mercedes’s hand. Mercedes sniffles.

“I want him to stop bothering me. And, I do owe him for taking me in-”

“You do not owe him shit,” Felix interrupts. Sylvain shoots him a look.

“Let her finish.”

Mercedes nods her thanks. “Even so, I feel like I owe him my life. He only wants me to be safe and have a stable life. I’m not sure why I should deny him that, especially if he’s doing all the work.”

“What do you mean?” Annette asks.

“Finding someone I can love, it’s so difficult, isn’t it? It takes more time for me. I know some people can just go on dates with strangers and meet people on dating apps. But I can’t. I need to know the person first. I need to love them in another way before I can fall in love with them romantically. I need to have…I don’t know, some connection. A base of trust. And even if I have all those things with someone, it’s not going to mean that I will fall in love with them. It’s more difficult than that.” She pauses. Sometimes, she doesn’t say, she feels like the only way she’ll fall in love is if she’s led to it.

Ingrid hums, crossing her arms. “And that’s wonderful. He can’t force you into a loveless marriage, even if he says it’s for your own happiness.”

“I know, it’s my own choice, but still. What if this ends up being my only chance? Or what if I say no and he gets angry and abandons me?”

“It won’t be your only chance,” Annette says.

“If he does abandon you, we’re here to catch you,” says Dimitri.

“He doesn’t deserve you if he abandons you,” adds Ashe. “You can stay with any of us.”

“You don’t have to do anything to make him happy,” Dedue speaks up this time. “Live for yourself.”

Mercedes twiddles her fingers. “I don’t know if I know how to.”

\---

After that, the party continues, the obvious topic being avoided yet still hanging over them like a rolling storm cloud.

\---

A few days later is Sylvain’s birthday. Every time the topic looms, she quickly changes it, not allowing her personal problems to ruin his birthday, too.

She feels his eyes on her every time she looks away, and somehow feels that she’s ruining it anyway.

\---

Her father sets up a date with the man, without her permission. His name is Ferdinand, and he is nice enough. He is from a well-off family, successful and often in the spotlight of the news and tabloids. He talks a lot, and loudly, but as the night goes on, Mercedes notices his nerves. The way he fiddles with his fingers, gestures far too grandly, the way he can’t quite look her in the eye.

Something tells her she isn’t the only one being moved by another’s whims.

They exchange numbers, agree to speak more. She receives a message from him that same night.

Ferdinand: It was lovely to meet you, Mercedes.

Ferdinand: I hope we can both learn to be happy together.

It strikes her as a message grudgingly sent.

\---

Mercedes pays a visit to her father’s house to talk more about the marriage. He beams when he sees her, every ounce of joy on his face evident. She hasn’t agreed yet, but it feels like she has.

He takes her into the kitchen, where he has all sorts of documents and pictures laid out. It’s all been decided. He has already chosen the church, the flowers are in Mercedes’s favorite colors, the reception planned.

All that’s left is to begin booking. Everything is laid into place, ready for Mercedes to step into.

She looks over it, sees the relief in her father’s eyes each time she compliments something. Each time she inches closer to agreeing with him, to accepting this safe, comfortable life he has laid out for her.

She can easily do this. She just has to say yes and fall into this life that has been decided for her.

Mercedes tells her father that she will think on it, and the look that comes over his expression is the darkest one she has ever seen on him.

She excuses herself, claiming she has plans to get to, and leaves.

\---

She thinks she’s going to say yes.

She must, she has no other choice, right? She’s already 27 and hasn’t dated in years. Not that she’s wanted to, perfectly happy with her life. Romance isn’t something she needs or wants right now.

Still, she had hoped that she would fall in love someday. Just not now. Just not like this.

Her fingers linger over the call button. This is fate. This is destiny.

She presses the green button. The phone rings.

She had always wanted it to be her decision, though. Her choice.

He picks up, a curious note in his voice.

She takes in a deep breath.

It’s time to speak for herself.

\---

The conversation is long and painful but is now winding down. He protested, of course. Got angry. She finds herself unsurprised yet still disappointed.

Before she finishes the call, she has one last thing to say:

“I refuse to get married, especially under your conditions.” There’s a sound, like he wants to say something. “No, I am speaking now, and you will listen to me. I am my own person. This is my life. I appreciate you for everything, but what you are demanding of me now is ridiculous. I will find my happiness on my own, and on my own terms. If you can’t accept that, then I refuse to speak with you a moment longer.”

She hangs up before he can get another word in.

She finds herself shaking as she looks at her phone, a moment of déjà-vu from just two weeks prior.

_10 Garland Moon._

_Richard. Call-time: 1:18:27._

It had been their longest conversation in a long time. Though, she’s not sure it could really be a conversation when most of it had been screaming and yelling on both sides.

She should start packing. She refuses to be here a moment longer.

\---

Ashe swings the glass of wine he’s holding around dangerously. Dedue takes it from him. “Look, all I’m saying is that, I can pick a lock, you all know that, right? Right. So we just go for a visit, get all her stuff, maybe break a few vases. Justice.”

“Ashe, we are not breaking into a house,” chides Dimitri.

“Right. We burn it,” says Ingrid, taking a swig of her beer. Ashe shoots her a finger gun. “Oh, but wait, that’d be beside the point, huh?”

“We take the stuff. Then burn it,” suggests Dedue. Ashe finger guns him, too.

Mercedes can’t help but to giggle. They were currently sitting around Dimitri’s apartment once again. She and Annette took the loveseat for themselves, Dedue and Ashe took the floor, Ingrid and Dimitri on the larger couch, leaving space for the last two to sit when they arrive. Annette called the emergency meeting of Lions when Mercedes showed up at her door, two large suitcases in hand. She thinks she looked angry, but she wasn’t crying. Not again. Annette drove them straight to Dimitri’s, only warning him mid-drive. Not long after came the rest of the Lions, snacks and alcohol at the ready.

Felix and Sylvain come in through the door, each carrying boxes. “There’s still more out there, if any of you are sober enough to help,” Felix says, dropping the box ungracefully. Thankfully, it was just clothes, but the sound is still quite startling.

No one stands.

“Alright then,” says Sylvain. “Just save some for us.”

Dimitri had readily agreed, insisted even, that Mercedes stay with him for the moment, a spare room available now that Dedue and Ashe had moved in together. Felix and Sylvain offered to bring her things from her apartment that she had quickly packed. An easy task, considering how much of that apartment wasn’t even hers.

Finally, the boxes were brought in, and the boys settle on the couch, pushing shoulders against Ingrid.

“Okay, so tell us all about it,” says Sylvain, pouring himself and Felix whiskey.

“I told him no. He wasn’t happy,” says Mercedes, taking a dainty sip of her wine before thinking better about it and downing the entire glass. Annette refills it for her and she smiles.

“So he kicked you out?” Sylvain asks.

“No, I left on my own. I’m going to cut him out of my life. For now, at least.”

Sylvain doesn’t bother to hide his beaming grin. “What changed your mind so fast?” he asks.

“When I went to visit him, to talk about it, he…wanted to have the wedding in a month. A month!” says Mercedes, placing her cup on the table so that she wouldn’t slosh wine on the carpets. She often finds herself gesturing a lot more when she was upset. Or tipsy. Or both.

“A month?” repeats Annette.

“A month,” confirms Mercedes, her mouth drawing into a tight line. “He wanted to ship me off with this guy and then his fatherly duties would be fulfilled, I don’t know. I still don’t know where he got it in his head that marriage was the endgame for me. It’s never been mine. I have lots of things I want to do. Like. I don’t know.”

“He’s never listened to you,” notes Dimitri.

She sighs. “He’s always had his hand in whatever I do. I’m lucky that he was okay with my career choice. But even growing up, he’d never let me do things I wanted to do. I always felt like I owed him something.”

“You don’t owe him anything!” says Ashe, “I mean, of course he adopted you, but that’s not something someone does just to get gratefulness. He’s… stupid.”

“Goddess, someone hold Ashe back, he might be about to go kill the man with those fighting words,” snarks Felix. Ashe glares at him and pats around aimlessly for his cup. Dedue moves it further back from him.

“You have agency, Mercedes,” Dedue reminds her.

“I know. I need to live for myself. And that isn’t living for my fath- for his wishes anymore.” That’s why she had left the apartment, of course, and why she wasn’t going to speak with him for a long time. Maybe someday. But not now.

Ingrid nods, “That’s right! He’s an idiot- what even is the point? If he wanted so much to keep you safe…”

“I’m not sure when it started, or if he had always been that way, but he thought if he loved me, he would keep me safe. And keeping me safe meant forcing me into the life he saw for me.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Mercedes, and we’re here to support you as long as you need,” reassures Sylvain.

Mercedes looks at each of her friends, there together even after they had left school and entered their adult lives because they choose to be. A choice she would gladly make each and every day. 

“Thank you,” she says, looking down into her cupped hands. “There’s a lot to do, but I’ll be okay.”

\---

A month has passed, and Mercedes feels like her life is settling once again. She found a new place, not as nice as her old one, but it is in the same building as Ashe and Dedue’s apartment, so she can look forward to many nights spent cooking with them.

She sighs as she sits, her bones creaking, this time with the exhaustion of the move. The Lions have set themselves up in different stations, unpacking or setting up new furniture gifted by Dimitri and Felix, courtesy of their fathers’ accounts.

Her own savings have taken a blow with all of this, but she will recover. She has people to fall back on if she gets in trouble, anyhow. She trusts the Lions to not let her fall.

They have a housewarming party that night, and truly, it feels like home to her. But reality sets in, and they are all adults with jobs or other responsibilities in the daylight, and one by one, they say their goodnights.

Sylvain is last. When she hugs him goodnight, he squeezes just a bit tighter than normal, lingers just a moment longer.

“I’m glad you chose for yourself, Mercie,” he tells her. “I’m glad you chose your own happiness.”

She finds herself blushing as he leaves, something that had never happened around him before. Something to consider sooner rather than later, she thinks.

She shuts the curtains and turns out the lights before she heads to bed.

Tomorrow is another day, full of her own choices to be made. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Find me on Twitter [here](https://twitter.com/JaybirdSpec) where I flounder about


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